Parenting Tips

Dear parents, listen to your children!

I’ve been writing about parenting for over 4 years. I’m not a mother yet, and I’ve been charged for it quite a few times. Every time I apologized I said I was a kid. I am or have been the child who grew up with a special needs sister, with parents who had marital problems and eventually divorced.
The situations we have experienced are not unique. I wasn’t the only one who saw them. As I was, there are probably tens of thousands of other children and adolescents in Romania. Can a Child’s Divorce Affect Parents? YES. Can a child be affected by parental inattention? OF COURSE. What happens when a child is not really listened to by their parents? A DISASTER .
Luisa Denisa Stoicescu, the director of the 12th grade Tourism within the Energy Technological High School from Câmpina, initiated a fantastic project, according to  Adevărul . A book in which the students in that class wrote behind a pseudonym both the thanks and the pain caused by their parents. Mrs. Denisa Stoicescu did a great thing! GREAT without any modesty. The book also reached the parents. Some cried, some changed their behavior, and some did not even touch the book.

Here is an excerpt from the book, published on  Adevă : “Common custody, a great spell” the notion of family is missing, I was very happy when we went skiing together, at the sea. Common custody … a great spell, nothing replaces the family (…) You, father, went and resigned yourself elsewhere and mother, you locked yourself in dungeons and destroyed your soul .

There is no worse feeling than seeing that your father is no longer where he once was and he is getting cold and you see your mother crying and you crying with her so that you know that your annoyances are also my annoyances. I have nothing else to say, because my soul was bruised, I was just a child “signs the former rogue.

The book “Talking to my parents” is not available in bookstores, but can be ordered at the Energy High School in Câmpina, at the phone number 0244 333 924. 

Divorce can be as painful as death. Both for the couple and for the children. The good news is the wound can be healed, but with one condition: Allow yourself to be healed, be patient with yourself and those around you, and don’t be afraid. When my parents had problems with the couple, I remember becoming aggressive and not paying attention to the words I said. And I think it’s important that in one form or another there is a form of communication. Parents need to know when the child is in trouble and take immediate action to help them. Children are not to blame for what happens between parents. On the other hand, don’t underestimate your children! What you feel, the child feels.So don’t rely on the fact that he doesn’t understand or that the information that reaches him is so insignificant that it won’t affect him in any way. The only difference is that a child does not develop the rational part well enough as an adult and then his decisions are not in accordance with logic, but rather with emotions.

So listen to your kids!

I’m a happy case. Beyond their problems, I was sure I was loved. It was enough to open my mouth. It was enough to have the courage to tell them what was bothering me, the fears I had inherited from them, and they acted accordingly. They were patient, accepted and acknowledged their mistakes, but most of all, they apologized. But what do you do when the child does not have the courage to tell you that he is suffering because of you and you do not take any action? What do you do when your child leaves you a letter telling you that he or she no longer wants to be a burden to you and takes his or her days off? I’m not exaggerating, the case is real and probably not the only one.
Listening to a child is not just about talking. Children have many ways to communicate if something is wrong. Maybe they become anxious, aggressive, angry, agitated, sad. And this is a form of communication.
On the other hand, the saddest thing is that there are still parents who do not want to read, do not want to receive any advice, do not want to seek the help of specialists, do not want to change and more than that, do not want to accept that making a mistake is human. But it’s just as humane to apologize and want to change for the better. Their children suffer the most, unfortunately.

Through communication, patience, acceptance and commitment you can become a better parent! It’s not serious to make mistakes, it’s serious not to accept that you can be wrong too.

We all make mistakes sooner or later. We can all do harm unintentionally. But how can you evolve if not through mistakes? How else to learn?

Listen to your children, ask them how you can improve your relationship. Children are the best specialists and have the best answers. And if you don’t know how to handle a difficult situation, go to a psychologist. I don’t know if it’s ever been said, but the psychologist can save lives in the most real way possible . It is not enough to be physically healthy, but we really need healthy emotions. We need to learn how to manage them in order to move forward. So encourage your child to talk to you. Encourage yourself too. It won’t always be easy.
It is said that in order to be truly happy, man needs to leave something behind. An achievement. Some believe that this realization consists in wealth, but wealth goes as it comes and you do not take the other world with you. But how about leaving a child behind who will thank you all his life? How about leaving behind a child who will be grateful for everything you’ve learned? How about leaving behind a legacy that will be passed down from generation to generation?

You who read these lines now know that you are a good parent.

Just because you were curious to see what I have to say. But how can we make those who are wrong about their children want to change?

Maybe it would be easier to educate children. Maybe if we were united in one way or another, bloggers, teachers, parenting specialists, the press, maybe we would reach more easily the children who suffer and do not know what to do. May be.
Until then, I bow to Mrs. Denisa Stoicescu and invite the teachers to do what she did. If only one child manages to solve his problems with his parents, then it would be a great achievement. I think this world could really be a better place.
Dear parents, listen to your children!

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