Parenting Tips

Shame on you, not on your children!

I just met an acquaintance by chance on the street. I was going home with the baby, I don’t know where she was going. Hello, hello, what are you doing, what are you doing, you know, generalities.
As my child had no idea why we stopped suddenly, on the street, to talk to a stranger, we even kissed because we hadn’t seen each other for a long time, I made the introductions.

Then the courtesies begin:

“What are you doing? How old are you? You are at school? And do you like it? What grade are you in? Do you like any girls? What grades do you have at school? ” It’s like these are questions to ask as soon as you meet a man. When you meet a new person, after finding out their name, forgive me, but I am convinced that you do not jump straight with “And how old are you? And where do you work? And what salary do you have? Are you combined? ” For children, well, that doesn’t apply.

When you meet a child, it doesn’t matter, you go into his life with your boots on. From this point of view they are not human.

Visibly disturbed, my son, in a huge diplomatic effort after answering the first questions, asked if he really had to answer. Somehow, he asked me that too, shaking my hand after asking enough questions.
“Aaa, well it’s a shame!” the acquaintance replied, and we were both left with crooked mouths. I apologized “somewhat elegantly”, so to speak, I confessed that the shame is not with him, but elsewhere and I ended the discussion by mutual agreement. We were in a hurry anyway.

It’s a shame …

I came home with this refrain that marked my life: It’s a shame!
What’s a shame? Who decides what is and what is not shameful? Who is this judge of shame who rules over adults only? I grew up in the shadow of shame, my whole childhood was a fight against shame on all sides: not to make my people ashamed if I don’t learn, not to make my people ashamed if I don’t behave nicely, not to make them of my shame if I don’t say poems to order, not to make mine my shame and that’s it.

I can’t be ashamed anymore, dear ones!

I believed, in my naivete, that this new generation of parents will do their best to get rid of the scams that have plagued our personality.

Well, I see now, in parents of my generation, that I still use this tool of shame. They have turned it into a parenting tool and I use it on every occasion:

Does the child have a tantrum and would he throw himself on the floor to cry?
Get up! It’s a shame!
Does the child want to buy him the most poisonous candy from the most bomb stall and start crying?
Finish! It’s a shame!
Is he tired and can’t wait to pay bills?
Stop it! It’s a shame!
Do you stop talking to your girlfriend on the street and the child pulls you away because he wants to go home?
Calm down! Aren’t you ashamed to interrupt me?
Do you want to leave the park faster and the child opposes?
We make fun of each other! It’s a shame to do that!
Does your 2-year-old daughter, who has no idea about sexuality and other things, pick up her skirt in the park?
Shame! It’s a shame! Aoleu! It’s serious! Stop doing that! It’s shameful!

Who’s ashamed, really?

Not! Children should not be ashamed! Shame on us, adults, that we are not able to manage our relationship with them, we are not able to deal with them humanely and we use shame. 

Shame on you, not on your children!

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