Parenting Tips

My dear, the only duty you have is to be a perfect mother to your child, not a perfect mother to those around you!

My girlfriend recently became the mother of an absolutely fantastic little girl. The baby is well, growing up, it’s sweet, actually. Well, things are not the same with her. Just like she tells me, in short exchanges of messages or even shorter and rarer phone conversations: “I have ups and downs!”.
Breastfeeding and, you see, you may be jumping on my head now, but I’ve always said that breastfeeding isn’t for everyone. I know what the great guru of breastfeeding, Jack Newman, has to say, but I keep saying that breastfeeding is a mother’s choice first and foremost, and it’s not for everyone. We must not all die on the altar of breastfeeding! Breastfeeding is, of course, the most natural and natural thing in the world, but so is our ability to choose.
I felt today, in my friend, the bitterness of sacrifice, the pain of the work done by social pressure, the fear of judgment of others, the helplessness of happiness in moments when any being, human or not, should be happy, the torment of perfection also established by those all around and the horror of a possible mistake that ruthlessly grinds the soul of any mother at the beginning of the road.

” I know it’s good for her, it’s great that I’m breastfeeding, but believe me, I can’t.

I know I’m a jerk, I said I’d do this, but I didn’t know it was that hard. It’s all hard, I didn’t know it was like that, maybe I’m complaining too much, but it’s hard for me! 

If I had been next to her, I would have hugged her tightly until she forgot where she was and told her it was really hard. It’s hard, really! It’s damn hard! It’s hard to be a mother! It was never easy! It’s not easy at all! And it doesn’t even get simplified later! When you become a mother, you harness yourself to a yoke that you will pull on your shoulders all your life, until you close your eyes. I would have told her that breastfeeding is good, very good, but not mandatory. I really believe that breastfeeding is not for everyone and I will never insist on breastfeeding where it affects other aspects.

It is more important for that child prodigy to have a quiet, relaxed, rested and happy mother by his side – to give him milk from the bottle, than one who gives him breast milk, but is destroyed by all the dark, ground thoughts. of guilt, unhappy and tense.

My dear, I would have continued, nothing is obligatory. The only obligation I strongly believe we have is to our children. And so! Not to those around them and to their judgment! We owe it only to our children! Some offer more and some less. Some leave huge fortunes and others a note in a book, but the most precious fortune we can leave to our children is unconditional love.

And unconditional love is beyond breastfeeding and organic food, private schools, classes of all kinds and Harvard graduate nannies. Children simply need to be loved for what they are. They need to know that we love them even if they broke a cup, even if they didn’t take 10 on the test, even if they didn’t eat everything from the plate, even if they weren’t nice to the other kids in the park. Children need to be loved at all times. Breastfeeding, my dear – I would have added – does not mean less love. I think we all love our children the same, only what we choose to do for them is different.

My dear, and don’t forget one thing: the only duty you have is to be a perfect mother for your child, not perfect for those around you!

You see, parenting is a concept that has been misunderstood …

Parenting is between parent and child, not between one mother and another!

My dear, the only duty you have is to be a perfect mother to your child, not a perfect mother to those around you!

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