Parenting Tips

A man “builds” in time! Give the kids time!

When my child was 2-3 years old and I was going to the country, visiting the extended family (especially for the holidays), everyone was piling on him. And after it was piled up on him, he came on top of me.

Everyone had something to score! “Why don’t you say hello? Why doesn’t he say kiss-hand? Why doesn’t he answer when you ask him to talk? Why doesn’t he listen to you when you tell him to stay? Why doesn’t he know poetry? It’s a shame! Why did you let him get in your head? Why doesn’t he want to play with us? Why doesn’t he know the joke? Why is he crying because I told him you’d leave him with us and leave because I was kidding? Why don’t they eat more? Why are you crying like that? It’s not nice to do that! The child must be good! It’s not good what you’re doing! ”

I don’t even know how many and from how many registers my ears heard …

 

I almost felt like pouring glue into my ears to make sure I covered them well and didn’t hear anything every time I visited. I tried to reduce them as much as I could, but you know how it is: it’s a shame to have the opportunity to go to the country and you to stay with the child in Bucharest.

I always told them that I am the parent now, that they had the opportunity to be parents and to raise their children the way they wanted, and now it’s my turn, and they are grandparents, uncles or aunts.

– Yes, but what is this? We don’t like it that way! This is not how children grow up!

There is this syndrome of the expert in fact: you had children and now they are adults, ready !, it means that you know how to grow up, you are an expert.

That the adults raised by you now need therapy because you raised them with beatings and conditioning and you wonder what punishments, that doesn’t matter anymore! Who cares? What’s the matter? “I beat them, I didn’t kill them!”

I have always refused to engage in controversy on this subject with my people.

 

I am convinced that each of them did as they knew best, but that does not mean that it was both good and right and that this is exactly what others should do.

I was laughing at Hagi when he said that every human being is different … Know that so are children! The children are different too! That’s why there’s no recipe for it. You need to take the time to get to know your child, to accept him, to discover his personality, to find out his needs and to try to communicate as well as possible with him.

I wanted to raise my child without “Because that’s what I say!”

I wanted to raise him calmly and understandingly.

Well, don’t worry, I also had my skids, I also raised my voice, I also had moments when I felt like throwing myself out the window or when I wanted to hit him twice because he was the model I was raised with.
It was a terrible year, but now, at almost 10 years old, there seems to be nothing left of that period. The last visit to the Gentile left with admiring looks for how respectful, empathetic, communicative, altruistic and loving he is. “How beautiful he speaks and what good jokes he has!”

I was silent, although I wanted to remind them of all the discussions of the past years … Everyone forgot how they didn’t like anything then and I was wrong from one end to the other, I had to be taken out in the public square and beaten with stones.

Nobody thought this was a long-term project

When you raise a child it’s like building a house – you poured the foundation and raised the walls a little and people would criticize you because the bathroom has no sanitary ware, the house is not good because it has no roof, they would ask you why it doesn’t have doors, why it doesn’t have parquet and so on. A man “builds” in time! Give the kids time!

Unfortunately, we don’t have time and that’s what happens. We rush to judge without knowing how things are, and in this rush to judge, we completely forget to listen and try to understand …

A man "builds" in time! Give the kids time!

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