Parenting Tips

When you can’t give your child a family model and give him a divorce model …

As you know, this is the situation. We decided, at the beginning of the pandemic, to stay on our backs with this year's vacation. We had dreamed of green horses on the walls, pyramids and camels, but we didn't realize it at all.

Initially, I said that ready, we do nothing! Nothing, nothing, nothing! We’re fine. And I stayed. We were really good, until July approached, because July comes with a desire for holidays, mountains, tents, things. So I came to the conclusion that it is safest to go with the tent, to more secluded places, and to avoid crowds as much as possible.

Ever since I got divorced, my ex-husband and I decided to take a vacation a year together

Or a weekend, it doesn’t matter, the idea is to be all three of us. Some say it’s nonsense what we’re doing, that it’s not okay to go together, that we’re confusing the child who doesn’t understand anything – that he doesn’t know if we’re divorced or not. Well, I have other principles here: the child must understand that his parents remain his parents, even if they no longer live together, and this with the uninhabitable together he understood well.

I’ve talked to him about the reasons why I stopped being a couple with his father, but that doesn’t mean we can’t get along.

Anyway, at least I didn’t go down without explaining myself first. The main idea is that I think that even though we have been divorced for years, we need to show the child that things can be done together. I would like him, if he is going to go through a situation like this – if he is divorcing and having children with the woman he broke up with – to be involved.

I had years of blaming myself for not being able to give the child a family model, for not being able to give it to him.

I had taken all the blame and it seemed like a capital sin.

After a few years and many examples around, I came to the conclusion that the only duty to our children is to do what we can for them, as well as we can. We need to show children that we are human, that we are genuine, that we allow ourselves to be mistaken, that we acknowledge our mistakes, and that we try to do the best we can.

I have a friend who works like a beggar to leave children (he has two boys) houses in the mountains, on the sea, to pay for their schools abroad, to buy them cars when they are 18 years old.

I felt a little irresponsible when I heard his plan. I don’t have such great plans. Well, my financial strength isn’t too great either, but then I promised myself to do everything I could, as best I could.

I’m not saying children wouldn’t need us to leave their fortunes…

How good it would have been if my father had left me a load of money too! He would have caught my razor, I tell you. It is good to leave them some material, if possible, but it is best to leave them models, and when I say models I do not mean Victoria Secret`s, but models of life, people, choices, of reactions.

In all the situations I went through, some extremely difficult and overwhelming, I allowed the child to see me as I am. I allowed him to see me in all the conditions I went through and I never hid my feelings from him. I let him see me weak and strong and I think the most important thing is that I let him see the transition: how I fall, how I get up and so on …

I let him see the ups and downs because he has to learn from them.

Don’t let those parents who raise their children away from the wild world hide everything and show them a pink version of life, then they are amazed when the children grow up and make all kinds of decisions.
I’m not saying I teach my sons how to make good decisions. That it is not so at all! But I let him see the results of the decisions, whatever they may be, and let him see how I live with them.
Anyway, at least I didn’t go down without explaining myself first. could offer a family model, is to offer him a co-parenting model, of a divorced parent, practically.

I would like him to remember, over the years, the vacations he went with me and yours, even though they were divorced, and how much fun he had.

And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. It says on the divorce papers that we are no longer husband and wife, not that we are no longer parents.

When you can't give your child a family model and give him a divorce model ...

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