Parenting Tips

Not “I have”, but “I am”!

There is a big difference between having children and being a mother!

Iwas surprised the other day, telling friends about my weird way of doing things, telling them this: “For 10 years, since I’ve been Victor’s mother, I can’t do my schedule for months before but only in the short term ”Well, I don’t want to talk about the program now, but about the reaction of the beginning of the sentence, but I said to give back the complete idea. It also seemed strange to me, and my listeners immediately corrected me: “Since you had a child, not since you were his mother … That you did not adopt him!”


Don’t we mothers misrepresent our children outright and thus make others misrepresent? Isn’t it wrong to say we HAVE children? Isn’t this where the future suffering comes from, when we realize that they are different people from us, with their own lives, their own desires and others than we would like? Doesn’t this way of thinking about them as private property make us suffer and make them suffer even more? Shouldn’t we change our discourse a little and focus on what we are and not on what we “really have”? Because, you see, we don’t really have children.

Or at least I don’t think we have them. We are not their masters. We have them by our side, we have them in our lives, we are responsible for their life, growth and education, but they do not belong to us as a television belongs to us.

I’ve been thinking for the last few days and I’ve been saying, “I’m his mother,” “I’m his mother,” “I’m his mother,” not “I have him.” I’m just in the role of my mother in his life, a pretty important role – the main one, but that doesn’t make me master him either.

“That I didn’t adopt him …”

Birth does not give us ownership, you know. In my opinion, adoptive mothers are no less mothers.

Just like those who did not breastfeed, those who did not give birth naturally and did not feel the pain of childbirth, those who did not just stick to the child until the age of 5, those who saw their career and they left their children with grandparents from the age of 6 months (and many other categories of mothers that we immediately jump to judge) are no less mothers. We are also the mothers of our children, whether they are born by us or adopted, breastfed, breastfed, born naturally or by cesarean section, etc. We are mothers as best we can. I believe that each of us is doing as much as she can, as best she can.

Some do more, some do less, but nothing makes them less mothers.

It’s true, in some cases, there’s room for more, or at least that’s how it looks from the outside, when we look at the situation in our boots, but we don’t know so much about we say how it should proceed.

We are mothers, not “WE HAVE CHILDREN”!

My grandmother, God forgive her, had a saying: “It’s one thing to have children, it’s another to be a mother!” Apparently, until now, I had only understood these words superficially.
Not "I have", but "I am"!

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