My daughter, my sweet, my adorable Ladybug ,
I offer you this letter in the hope that your fears will allay. In the hope that you understand that growing up without having a father with you is not that bad, although it can make you sad or angry.
I had to make a choice that may seem unfair to you today
I have always done everything on my own, from the very moment I found out I was expecting you.
I knew you deserved a better childhood than I did, even if it was okay. Me, I wanted yours to be fantastic , to be amazing .
You deserved to have an amazing mother and for that, I knew I had to change my life.
One of those changes was letting your dad go, because I knew this little boy I loved then would never really turn into a man. Not on time anyway. And he didn’t stop me.
From the moment I knew you were growing in me, I felt connected to your being in the making
You’re going to roll your eyes, I know, “mom, stop the cliché”, but it’s the truth, the day I gave birth, honey, it was the happiest day of my life.
Mothers always speak of this day as the day when you become a mother, but for me it came long before you arrived.
I felt like a mom from the moment I knew you were growing inside me.
And you who love clichés, let me add another one to the list: unconditional love.
I never knew how much I could love someone until I met you. It’s an overwhelming feeling of feelings and emotions, of an insane purity, that I never really managed to describe elsewhere.
Sensations that I continue to live with every day.
Being a mother really makes me feel like my heart lives outside of my body. I naively thought I knew what love was before I had you in my life but I was wrong.
I love you unconditionally and the intensity of my love for you is unlike anything I have ever experienced before.
From the moment I heard your little heart beat, I fell in love. Everything has become so real! There was a life growing in me that would soon have to rely on me alone.
Whirlwind of emotions
The fear was very present: was I going to be able to be up to it and raise this child without paternal support ?
But anticipated happiness, love, gleefully crushed this fear and I already knew what I still know toay: I will do everything possible to give you the best life, the most pleasant that you can imagine.
And that boy who got me pregnant, he wasn’t going to be able to do that for you, only I was going to be able to.
He was not mature and our story was doomed to failure. Letting him go was easy for me but I understand that you may find it sad and unfair.
I wanted and still want a normal life for you: a house with 2 parents, in a good neighborhood with good schools. A house full of happiness, love and laughter.
And I think I still didn’t do too badly, I gave you all that except a man you could call daddy.
And you seem to be okay with that most of the time.
You call me “mapa”, your “mommy-daddy”
I did what I could to teach you how to be a good lady in her sneakers, taking on the dual responsibility of father and mother.
You were lucky to have my own father present to show you how a man is supposed to treat you.
I taught you to stand up straight and fight for your ideas , you’re not afraid of anything except maybe spiders (and yes, it’s all my fault but really, what ugly bugs).
This does not prevent us from doing our best to overcome our fears.
When you were little, I loved playing wrestling with you, buying you trucks to build false construction sites and then in the evening, telling you princess stories.
Even though it was complicated to plan, I attended all of your school events and took you to all of your extracurricular activities.
I have been and always will be there for every scraped knee and every temper tantrum.
You are beautiful, just the way you are
I know you often think otherwise and that others support where it hurts. You doubt yourself and you constantly find new faults.
You have the impression that you have to respect standards, that you have to follow standards in order to be loved.
This will not change, even when you are a successful adult! You will continue to compare yourself to others and you will find yourself inferior in many ways. You will be your worst critic, your own executioner.
And yet, you know what? We are all unique.
We come in all different shapes and sizes. Some people are tall, others are short; some girls are curvy, some girls are skinny.
We have different hair, different skin, different eyes… the list goes on.
It will be easy to see beauty in others but much harder to see it in yourself.
But believe me, you are beautiful and perfect, just like that, naturally.
And although I understand your difficulties in accepting or believing it, my heart breaks whenever you think you are not.
You have the right to be what you want and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise
I find you intelligent, courageous, resourceful. You can stand up to guys, you have character but you remain delicate.
Also know that I am really amazed by all your talents: you can do so many things that are impossible for me.
In short, you are a much better version of me, my Ladybug ; you are special and unique and i don’t want you any other way.
Regarding studies, of course they are important but above all I want you to learn for yourself. I want you to do something that you love and that will make you happy.
My own happiness is there, not in what I would like you to do.
I forbid you to choose a job that you won’t like, under any pressure whatsoever (like telling yourself that earning a lot of money will make you happy).
Only settle for the best for you and you alone. I won’t mind whether you are a waitress or a lawyer, as long as you are happy.
I will also respect all your love choices, whether you prefer to live as a couple or stay single.
Know that I will love those who will make you happy (as long as they treat you well otherwise beware of their buttocks!)
Live your love life the way you want. Don’t get married if that’s what you want, don’t have children.
Be who you want to be. I will never pressure you to be or do anything different. Go forward with your heart, follow your dreams.
As long as I am alive, my house will remain your house. No matter where you go and what choices you make, you can always come back.
I hope you don’t make the same mistakes that I did
Your own path, your own mistakes. And believe me, you’ll make a lot of it. Some will be bigger than others but don’t worry, this is normal. I also continue to do it!
If you never made mistakes, it would mean that you never take any risks or take any opportunities that come your way.
Don’t live like that.
I hope that you will take the plunge, that you will give it a try, that you will take risks because without it, you will never know what could have happened.
Go and set the world on fire. If that doesn’t work, put out the flames and start over. Learn from your mistakes and keep learning from others who will follow.
Know that you will never be able to please everyone.
It is not possible and it has no interest anyway.
Count on your friends , on the people who support you and will support you.
Throughout life you will have your own cheerleaders standing by your side and cheering you on.
You will have friends who will accompany you even when they think you were wrong: these, keep them preciously, they will become your best friends.
But yes, you will also meet people who won’t like you or who just won’t understand you.
And that’s ok too, don’t make yourself sick with it, okay?
When your heart is broken
I will be there.
Whether it’s by another person or by something that will or will not happen.
I know you will be hurt. More than one time.
When this happens, I will suggest that you take your time, take care of yourself and “fix” yourself.
It will feel like the end of the world and like nothing is ever going to be the same again but it will pass. I promise you.
This does not mean that it will stop hurting completely or that you will forget… But it will get easier and you will be happy again afterwards.
I also ask you to take care of the hearts of others, as much as possible.
Every day, I improvise
No one really knows how to be a parent. Not all guides in the world will be enough.
In the meantime, I’m doing everything I can to be the best person and the best mom I can be but I keep screwing things up sometimes.
Just when I thought I finally knew what I was doing, life throws something else at me. All I can do is try to solve one problem at a time.
I give you advice based on what I know and what I experienced because incredible my darling, your mom was young before too! So I understand you, more than you think.
I was scared, I wasn’t safe, I didn’t know who I was going to be. So, I hope you know you can always talk to me about anything.
I will always listen to you, without judging and I will really try to say and do the right things. Just like now.
But, every day I learn and hope you will forgive all my future mistakes. No one is perfect, not even your super mom!
Know that I wouldn’t change my choice for the world
Because all the roads have led me to have you. I know I haven’t had the chance to take the easiest route, but I also know I’m the luckiest person in the world .
Being your mom is the best thing I have ever done and you are a blessing.
What an honor really, to be your mother. Of all the women on earth, you chose me to be your mom. This realization has brought me so much gratitude and joy.
You gave me a title and a responsibility that I cherish more than anything in the world.
I don’t mind failing in this life, as long as it doesn’t concern you, as long as I know that I have succeeded in being a good mother.
You gave me a strength that I didn’t know I had in me. I’ve been fighting for you since the moment I found out about you.
I knew that from then on, the purpose of my life would be to love and protect you without fear.
You are a constant reminder to me to always stay true to yourself and your values.
I promise to keep loving you unconditionally
Forever. I promise to fully accept you for who you are and will be, not who I think you should be.
I promise to support your efforts, encourage your interests and nurture your passions. My arms will be open to you when you succeed and when you fail.
I will always try to protect you from pain, but when it becomes unavoidable, I will be there to relieve it. I will guide you when you lose your way.
I will be a source of light when your world seems totally dark to you.
I will learn from and with you and I will always put your needs above mine.
If at some point we don’t always agree with each other, my intentions will always be to act in your best interest.
A mother’s love is selfless and everlasting, you know.
My Ladybug , you are a source of light and joy for all those who know you since the day of your birth.
But nothing surprising about that because I see how you love others and how others love you in return.
I can’t help but beam with pride.
No matter where your journey takes you, I will always be with you in your heart and you will always be in mine.
After all, you are the only person who has ever heard my heart beat in two different places: on the inside … and on the outside.