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I can’t forgive her: my mother’s 8 lies

Now that I’ve grown up, I realize that my mom has spent her life (and mine) lying to me. From my birth to the moment when I finally decided to leave the family nest, she has chained manipulations and lies.

She didn’t want to admit the truth. Indeed, my mother refused to talk about our problems and she did not want to admit her suffering.

So my mother lied for years. But that’s not what you think. My mother is not a psychopath or a manipulator.

My mother is a heroine. A woman who proves that maternal instinct and love have no equal. Indeed, my mother made huge sacrifices to protect me and give me what I needed.

And these lies will haunt me for the rest of my life. Despite his good intentions, I can’t help but feel guilty. How did I not notice his pain earlier?

I am an only child. I was born into a poor family… very poor! We didn’t have enough food. So I’m not even telling you about toys, trendy gadgets, or any other luxury.

We were therefore satisfied with the strict minimum. Our meals were modest… What am I saying, they were basic. And sometimes non-existent. Yes, we didn’t always have rice, flour or pasta.

So my mother couldn’t always prepare something for us. Besides, for years, I did not taste meat or sweets.

But, each time we ate, my mother poured her portion on my plate:

“Eat my darling, I’m not hungry”: it was his first lie.

When I was 7 or 8, my mother and I went to the riverside which was not far from our home. It was summer and it was very hot. Besides, we were hungry. And my mother hoped she could catch fish.

While I was playing in the water and washing myself, my mother was in despair. She couldn’t catch any fish because I scared them. So she asked me to get out of the water to go play in the trees.

For her, these fish were not only a way to calm hunger but also an opportunity for me to get vitamins so that I could develop normally. So that I am no different from other children.

Finally, she managed to catch two fish. We quickly got home to prepare them. Once cooked, my mother placed them in front of me.

I ate my fish little by little and my mother ate what was left on the bones. Seeing this, my heart broke and I put the other fish in front of my mother.

But she returned them to me. 

“Honey, eat the second fish too. You know I don’t like fish ”: that was his second lie.

Time was passing and the day of my departure for college was approaching. Since we did not have enough money for my studies, my mother went to a clothing store and agreed with the owner that she would sell clothes to important and wealthy people.

One cold and rainy night, my mother stayed longer than expected at work. While waiting for her at home, I got worried and went out to look for her.

I saw her carrying a bag of clothes and knocking on the doors of houses in an upscale neighborhood. So I called her, “Mom, come on. Let’s go home, it’s late and it’s cold. You can continue tomorrow! ”.

She laughed and said, “Honey, I’m not tired”: that was her third lie.

Exam day has arrived. Even though it was very hot, my mother wanted to go to school with me. The sun was scorching the ground and the temperature was terribly high.

I walked into the school and she just stood in the university courtyard, worrying about me. When the exams were over, I left school and she greeted me with a warm maternal embrace, filled with love and grace.

In her hand, she held a fresh orange juice that she had bought for me. When I started drinking it, I turned around and looked at her: drops of sweat were running down her forehead.

I handed her the bottle and said, “Mum, drink”. And she replied:

“Thank you, but I’m not thirsty”: it was his fourth lie.

After my father died, my mother lived a difficult life. She took full responsibility for running the house, she just had to take care of everything.

Life got harder and we were often starving. Next to our house lived my uncle, a good man. He often sent us food to alleviate our hunger.

When the neighbors saw that our condition was becoming more and more unbearable, they advised my mother, who was still young, to marry a man who would help us. However, my mother refused this advice saying:

“I don’t need love”: it was his fifth lie.

After graduating from college, I found a good paying job in a company and decided to take care of the house. As my mother’s health deteriorated, she could no longer sell clothes door to door.

So she started selling vegetables in the markets. When she decided to stop working, I set aside part of my salary and gave it to her. She refused my gift. 

“Keep your money, darling. I have enough for myself ”: that was his sixth lie.

Regardless of whether I got a job, I continued with my studies and quickly got my masters. I succeeded and my income increased. A German company offered me a good job at their headquarters in Germany.

I was really happy so I started dreaming about a new happy life. After traveling and fixing my situation, I called my mom and invited her to live with me. But she didn’t want to bother me.

“My darling, you know I haven’t learned to live comfortably”: that was her seventh lie.

Over time, my mom started to age and then got a fatal diagnosis: cancer! In these difficult times, someone had to take care of her. What could I do when there was so much distance between me and my beloved mother?

I left everything and went home. I found my mother in bed. When she saw me she tried to laugh. My heart was breaking because she was exhausted and weak.

This was no longer the mother I knew… Tears started to roll down my cheeks but even then she tried to comfort me by saying:

“Girl, don’t cry. I’m not hurt. I don’t feel any pain ”: it was his eighth lie.

After saying that, she closed her eyes and never opened them again. And now the guilt comes over me. How did I not notice his suffering and his sacrifices?

Why did it take me so long to realize how much she was doing for me?

If you’re lucky enough to still have your mom, be thankful. Take her in your arms and kiss her. Say thank you to him before it’s too late.

I can't forgive her: my mother's 8 lies

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