Parents are usually confident that they always know how the child should behave in each specific case. Often they have an image of the “ideal child” with which they compare their real one. At the same time, adults do not take into account that a baby can be happy only by being himself, and not the way they imagine him to be. Misconceptions about what a child should be, overestimated requirements for him very often lead to wrong reactions to the behavior of his own, and not the ideal child. Hence the negative feelings of parents: irritation, anger, rage, which can ultimately provoke physical punishment of a naughty child.
What does this lead to?
Parents, who often use physical punishment, seek only the appearance of obedience on the part of their children.
Very often, the punishment causes in children not repentance and a desire to improve, but completely different feelings.
- Indignation, resentment: “This is unfair. I didn’t deserve that kind of treatment. “
- Revenge: “They’ve won now, but I’ll get even with them.”
- Protest: “I will spite them, let them understand that I have the right to do my own thing.”
- Resourcefulness, cowardice: “Next time I’ll try not to get caught.”
- Decreased self-esteem: “I am bad, I cannot decide for myself, others must always decide for me.”
How can you change the situation when your child is disobedient?
- Change the situation so that the child has no reason to behave incorrectly (for example, if he constantly makes demands, requests, does not allow parents to talk to each other). Don’t wait for your child to show the need for your attention with whims. When you come home from work, immediately give him at least 15 minutes, play, talk to him. Use every opportunity to show your warm feelings for him (smile more often; when passing by, just stroke the child’s hand).
- Do not make demands on the child that do not correspond to his age and capabilities. (For example, dad spanks his two-year-old daughter to “teach” her not to run out into a noisy street.) Supervise children in dangerous situations until they are six to seven years old and can assess the danger themselves.
- Do not bring the situation of misunderstanding of your child to such a state where he feels cornered and therefore constantly deceives. Try to understand that the child was not born a liar, and he must have reasons for lying.
- Do not react to the child’s disobedience, even if his behavior caused you anger, irritation (for example, he constantly whines). Use the relaxation techniques you know: deep breaths, counting to ten, muscle relaxation, etc.
- Never forget that if you punish children often, they may get used to reacting only to physical punishment. (For example, a child is constantly pushing, fiddling, making noise and calming down only when he is spanked.) Apply other measures (besides physical punishment) that you have not tried yet.
- Don’t act rashly. Stop and analyze why your child is not behaving the way you want.
- Think: Are you asking too much of him?
- Maybe the act of the child for which you are punishing him is an alarm signal, saying that your pupil is in a difficult situation?
- Try to help your child, support him in a difficult situation for him, without resorting to punishment.
- Remember: the shortest path to a child’s mind is not “through the buttocks,” but through the eyes and ears.